These verses were especially meaningful when we lost our daughter-in-law to cancer in 2014. Trusting God through the pain and moving through grief, while relying upon His gracious comfort, has enabled me to see other losses in a different light. It also has equipped me with a greater sense of compassion and understanding to empathize with others who are facing loss. 

We recently lost a beloved pet that had been a special part of our lives for 16 years. While the grief over losing a pet is nothing compared to that of losing a loved one, it was a reminder again that loss is an inevitable part of life and something we must all deal with to mature emotionally and spiritually. How we deal with loss will determine whether it is a stepping stone to growth or a means of short-circuiting it. Whether the loss is physical, financial, emotional, or relational, if not dealt with, it will arise later with greater intensity and often with less clarity as to its origin.

Common stages* have been identified as part of the grief process, but we all grieve in unique ways with varying timetables. The key is to move through each stage rather than get stuck in any one of them. It has been said that pain and suffering either draw us closer to God or push us further away as we distance ourselves from Him in our suffering.

Loss for some brings a sense of victimization—leading them to ask, “Why me?” Self-pity becomes their identity and hinders healing. For others, loss results in stoic self-protection by numbing out all feelings and appearing “strong.” For still others, it is an opportunity to grow in the knowledge of God’s loving presence and comfort in times of grief and to develop a compassion for others that never would have been gained had it not been for the pain we ourselves experienced.

In Genesis we read how Joseph faced numerous losses—i.e., family, reputation, and freedom. Surely he must have wondered “why?” and suffered from these injustices, but there is no record of him giving in to self-pity and becoming a victim or turning cold and harsh. Because of his faith and trust in God’s sovereignty, he was even able to forgive his abusers and see how God had used his losses for gain. (Gen. 45:4-8)

We prepare for life’s losses by acknowledging the void they create, daily seeking God through meditating on His Word, and communing with Him through prayer. The temptation to fill the void left by loss with other substitutes to escape the pain must be recognized and refused. Trusting God’s unconditional love and sovereignty, while yielding our own natural tendency to control, enables us to move through grief to acceptance and greater intimacy with Him, the ultimate Comforter. 

*Search “stages of grief” online for more information.